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Still in a pandemic. Still terrified. Still breathing. Still finding joy where I can. - All else feels out of touch. - Still trying to be cute. Still fighting over politics. Still performing at every turn. Still avoiding expressions of fear. Still blaming others. Still obsessed with national news. Still defending useless opinions. Still remaining heightened. Still over-identifying with our suffering. Still being snarky. Still being dismissive. Still calling each other names. Still disguising generalizations as justice. Still waiting for a savior. Still waiting for an adult. Still trying to be "normal." There's drama on top of the literal drama. Commercials of empty streets dramatizing something that's already naturally dramatic is a hilarious expression of what I mean. Making things dramatic can be avoidance of truth. And in my experience, the truth is seen as an insult. That's why it's so hard. We actively avoid our truth. How else do we avoid? Dramatizing Dismissing Wishing for the past Waiting for the future Behavior correction Arguing Intellectualizing Dissociating Spiritual bypassing Hoping Praying Projection Performance Dominance Submission Perfectionism Which are you doing? I'm not trying to call you out, I want to call you in. Take a moment to think about it. We can only ignore our feelings for so long. I get it. Feeling is difficult and scary but admitting how we feel is a good first step. Many die with bitterness and despair in their hearts and that brings me the deepest sadness. I don't want that for you. The only way out is through. Suffering doesn't last forever, so there's no sense in clinging to it. It will be okay. You can enjoy things. You don't need to explain yourself. You don't need to perform. Talk to someone about how you feel. Do the best you can. Develop skills, resources, and the power to actually inflict the change you want to make. Be the change. Handle your shit. I love you.

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