Updated: Feb 14
I personally can't bear the idea of being seen as incompetent. That's probably one of my defining points of being an INTP. It makes it a little tough to put out content at time. I think many INTPs would agree with that feeling, and yes even though it's centered around information, it's very much a feeling.
You can track that feeling in your body if you pay attention to it when it happens. My energy pulls back, I feel like I want to hide, I get a little shaky, and I do everything I can to just ignore it or move on so I don't have to feel it.
That's common for a lot of people in a variety of situations. To feel something is human, including embarrassment.
But like anything I've ever talked about in relation to mental health, the only way out is through...through healthy processing. That means feeling embarrassed and expressing that you're embarrassed through your Extraverted Feeling process.
You would be amazed at how many people will show compassion with your honest emotional expression. All you have to do it say...to extravert the feeling.
"I don't want to look stupid."
"I don't want to feel useless."
"I don't want to feel helpless or be at the whim of someone else's knowledge or expertise."
"I'm supposed to know how to do this."
As a result of that is that it can be very hard to ask for help. There have been many situations in my life that I've needed to ask for help and I just didn't because I was scared to look stupid.
I didn't tie my shoes until 4th grade.
I still don't know how to blow a bubble with bubble gum.
I didn't know how to tell girls that I liked them.
I don't want to inconvenience my partner when I'm feeling bad about something.
I had no idea how to say hi and make friends.
I still take over a conversation when my partner wants to chime in and feel included.
I still think people don't like me when I don't have an interesting piece of information to offer them.
I absolutely fear the negative judgment of my content and it won't connect.
I suck at smoking weed. I never breathe right and it's always in a circle of people that can tell you're not doing it right.
That last bit just happened recently. Instead of brushing it off and never doing it again I asked for help. They walked me through it since I never really did it as a kid and well, I eventually did the thing. It was great! Competence achieved.
Sharing your discomfort allows for the opportunity to connect and learn something new. Yes, you are showing that you don't know something. That's okay! You're going to be exposed. That's okay! If you're with people you've chosen to be around they're more than likely to help you be okay. Others like being of use as much as you, if not more!
And being okay doesn't mean making it go away, it means working through it. Talking it out, figuring it out, gaining comfort, expressing how you feel and actually resolving the issue...not pushing it down.
Your role in life as an INTP is not centered around knowing everything, it's moreso around collecting information regardless of the means. That means we need to open ourselves up to being taught at times by others when there are things we simply can't figure out on our own. That's going to be uncomfortable but I believe in you. I believe that you're brave enough to do because I promise you, you'll survive.
I've struggled with relationships all of my life and even as I've learned many things over the years it can be a challenge to remember that I can show affection my way. That's why I've created a course for myself and fellow INTPs to share what tools have been the biggest help for me to have found and can continue to maintain the best relationship I've ever had.
The course is called "Finding and Maintaining Relationships for INTPs" dedicated to giving INTPs a few key things to think about when it comes to personal relationships.
As an INTP, I know that relationships can be a massive challenge. Every sign of logic seems to dictate that we'd be much better off with not having any relationships in our lives.
For many of us, the biological imperative to reproduce and experience love and connection tends to push us towards a desire for love anyway. So, while it may seem we're making the logical choice to be on our own, what we end up doing is avoiding relationships and challenges altogether...fighting against the natural flow of life.
This class is a way of showing INTPs that not only relationships matter but that you are capable of building and maintaining relationships by being your logical and playful self and taking some important key ideas into the mind.
In this class we're going to cover:
- Listen and Answer Questions
- Becoming Open to Grow and Celebrating Your Partner's growth
- How to Date and Find Connections
- Maintaining the Relationships with Consistent Communication and Check-ins
- How to Know When It's Time to End the Relationship
This course is hosted by Christian Rivera (INTP) and Molly O'Riley (ENFP) who are sharing important keys to the success of their bond and relationship. We are two very different people who have had all sorts of diverse challenges and who continue to grow together.
DO take this course if:
- You're an INTP struggling with finding and maintaining relationships.
- Feeling like you give up too much of yourself in the relationship.
- Want to know what it's like to be in a relationship with an ENFP
- You struggle with being honest and true to who you are as an INTP when in a relationship.
- Want to experience more love and joy in your life.
- Eager to grow and learn about how you can master your personal relationships.
DON'T take this course if:
- You feel like your ability to develop relationships will never change.
- You're unwilling to remove personality type bias
- You don't connect with a tough-love style of teaching.
While this class may not be for every INTP, we do know that plenty of INTPs want some support in their growth path. Developing and managing connections are difficult and we often feel we have to connect the way others connect. That's simply not true. There is a way to share your truth, be honest, be direct, and still show great love and affection to the people in your life.
Go and sign up to get started now on Finding and Maintaining Relationships for INTPs at http://www.bit.ly/INTPLove.